The Official™ Renophaston review of TMNT: “Enter the Shredder”

Did you guys catch the latest episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? It was episode #2 and it was called “Enter the Shredder“, and I think it was the best episode yet! But I bet you’re more interested in hearing what I thought about it! Beware: a serious Spoiler Warning is in effect from this point forward!

The Big Picture!

This episode had it all! We even got to see the turtles sans masks! From the introduction of three new villains to our first sight of the Technodrome, this episode left me wanting more, but still feeling satisfied! We finally got to see that Leonardo can definitely defeat Michaelangelo in combat (even if it was just practice!), and when they put cereal on their pizzas for breakfast, I was laughing my ass off! (“Choco-Puffs for me!” LO!L) When the Technodrome blasted through that wall of rock, I nearly lost my shit! That thing is colossal! And when Shredder said, “That’s quite a brain you’ve got, Krang!” and Krang said, “Of course it is, it’s all I’ve got!” I totally laughed my fucking shit off for hours! It was cool that the zoo was just two cages in the middle of a park in the city—I wish I lived in New York! The big fight against all the robots made me so hard I had to change the way I was sitting! (“Taste cold steel!”) Bebop and Rocksteady were pretty cool before they were mutants, but afterwards they were awesome! When Raph stuck his sai into Rocksteady’s gun barrel and made it explode, I was like “Oh shit!” That was tight!

Donatello’s Missing Cock!

When Michaelangelo gets captured by a robot, Donatello leaps into action! And for those of us paying attention, a long-standing question in fandom was finally answered:

Donatello’s Crotch

In-You-Endo Watch!

This episode was the edgiest yet—the sexual innuendo was nearly off the charts! Here are some of the best (unintentionally?) sexual lines in the episode (titled, sexually, “Enter the Shredder”):

  • “All I need are animals!”
  • “My legions are waiting in Dimension X to storm into this world and crush it! All I lack is a body!” (This one’s more of a metaphor!)
  • “That rock is freshly drilled!”
  • “Man, look at the size of those tank treads!”
  • “I need two of you for an experiment!”
  • Donatello and Raphael are making me hard.
  • “Now that’s what I call a serious pizza!”
  • “I’m onto something big!”
  • “Let’s boogaloo!”
  • “There must be some way inside!”
  • “We know how to handle ourselves in the sewer!”
  • “Leonardo—cut it open!”
  • “I feel like a marshmallow in a nutcracker!”
  • “You think they wanna mix it up with us?”
  • “Donatello—try to get to their rear.”
  • “Hit it Leonardo!”
  • “It’s the same guys we fucked last night!” [Edit: Oops! Turns out it’s actually “fought last night”!]
  • “You idiots!”
  • “Come on Splinter!”
  • “I just hope I haven’t missed out on the action!”
  • “C’mon, lets annihilate those turkeys!”
  • “You boys have fun together, and we’ll be back to check on ya in ten years!”
  • “Ooooh, ya little bimbo! I’ll make ya eat that camera!”

The Verdict!

Out of the two episodes that have aired, “Enter the Shredder” is by far my favorite. I think the only thing that could have made it better is if we got to see Krang’s mechanical body he’s building, but they’ve got to leave us with a reason to keep watching! I give this episode 5/5 turtle power! It was cool as shells!

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