Every Link Has Its Week

We are currently Google’s number one search result for anus burn from food. Someone searched for that one.  And got us.

Also, the date for “Plastic Industry Stoppage to Show Earth Day” has been set, and it was October 20th, 2007. It went pretty poorly and I don’t think we’ll be doing it again.

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Blog Action Day: Take back the environment!

It has come to my attention that I may have misunderstood the topic for today’s Blog Action Day in my earlier post. We’re supposed to talk about the planet or something. Second time’s the charm.

Earth, which has fed us, nurtured us and acted as our sanctuary for hundreds of years, has turned on us. All of the sudden it has decided that we’re “not doing it right”, and it is punishing us. It is letting more and more of the harmful rays of the sun (our nemesis in the skies) through the atmosphere to burn us! It is keeping pollutants from naturally escaping to space, suffocating us with our own waste! It is taking away our oil and hiding it underground! But threats like global “warning” don’t work on us, not here in America! I think it’s time to take back the environment! I think it’s time to show Earth that it doesn’t own us. We are the human race. We are living, feeling beings with hopes and dreams, and we are as good and deserving of liberty as any other living thing, planets included (but not animals). It’s time to dig ourselves out of the earth that has kept our potential buried for so long.

I’m not saying it will be easy—Earth has some powerful weapons at its disposal, and it will not give up its position of power without a fight. But we have something it doesn’t have: plastic. Earth tried for thousands of years before humans arrived on the scene, but could never achieve the perfection and permanence that is the plastic bag. Everything in nature is transient; creatures are born and die, seasons come and go, species evolve only to become extinct—but plastic is forever. We are forever. In plastic, we have achieved something Earth never could: eternal life. We have to show Earth that we are not its property. We are its backbone. Without us, it is nothing. Without us, it will die. But with us, it can endure unto the ends of time.

That is why I humbly suggest my brilliant idea: Plastic Industry Stoppage to Show Earth Day (PISSED). As you can probably guess, on this day (date TBD), all plastic production will cease for 24 hours (all day), to show Earth what it’s like without us. While this one day will not have a great impact on an industry as large as Earth, it will be an obvious spike that will send a message, and that message is this: “Without us, you will fade; but together we can change the world.”

Also, “bloggers” sounds a bit like “loggers” (people who cut down and collect trees), and I think that is probably something we should change? But I don’t know; that might be impossible. We might have to reinstall the Internet or something.