Blackest Night in Four Panels

Did anything happen in this series? I think it was just a whole lot of people getting new powers and then losing them, and then everybody’s okay at the end. Reading it was like watching someone play with action figures.

Reading my comic, on the other hand, is like watching someone go, “Dolls are for fags, retard”, and then later he cries because his parents won’t buy him any. Gah, I’m just mad that people liked this more than Final Crisis. Final Crisis was awesome! Blackest Night was so boring! I don’t get why people love it so much! It’s not fair! Wah!

I should get Geoff Johns to sign this at WonderCon.

Also: My Aquaman looks like you’d get greasy just looking at him. Gives me cooties.

Dicktective Comics

Anyone else notice the big purple dick in Detective Comics #860?

Purple is the new 'Flesh' (crayon joke)

I say it’s big because it reaches all the way from her heel to her knee.

And in Green Lantern Corps #43, we find out the Guy Gardner is an even bigger Kylie Minogue fan than I:

I should probably make a gay joke, but that would be gay.

Such a big fan, in fact, that when his best friend Kyle Rayner dies (for a minute), he still can’t get Kylie “out of his head.” Also, his heart stops and is replaced by a magic red ring sculpted from a stone made of crystallized blood and fueled by rage. Gives new meaning to “Heart Beat Rock“, unless that’s actually what that song is about.

EDITORIAL SECTION

I always thought the Red Lantern oath was pretty lame:

With blood and rage of crimson red,
Ripped from a corpse so freshly dead,
Together with our hellish hate,
We’ll burn you all–That is your fate!

See? How much cooler would this be:

Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah.

Not any cooler. If I’ve ruined the Red Lanterns for even one person, then this post was worth it.

This makes two posts about unintentional sexuality in comic books. I’m so selling out.