Every Link Has Its Week

We are currently Google’s number one search result for anus burn from food. Someone searched for that one.  And got us.

Also, the date for “Plastic Industry Stoppage to Show Earth Day” has been set, and it was October 20th, 2007. It went pretty poorly and I don’t think we’ll be doing it again.

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This Week in Kris: LINKS!

And just because this stuff continues to amuse me: someone got here by searching for “spirits of lemon plumbing“. We are currently Google search result #1 for that query, but I don’t think we have any information about it.

Kris Links to MiceAge.com

Welcome to a special “one-link” edition of Kris’s Weekly Links Show!

  • Disney is spending a billion dollars on Californialand – Here’s a poor explanation of some highlights:
    • They’re redoing the entrance to make it like Los Angeles in the 1920s (when Walt got there). Also to make it not just a shitty slab of concrete.
    • They’re redoing Paradise Pier to make it different somehow. Like old or something? Also more Disney/Pixar, less California.
    • They’re going to replace some stairs with a show where they shine lights on water (“and mist”).
    • Mulholland Madness is turning into Goofy’s Flying Academy, and I have no idea what that means.
    • A new $100 million Little Mermaid ride, since that film took place in California, and has numerous ties to the area. Still… new Little Mermaid ride… I would ride it. (She told me to say that for her.) I think it’s gonna be where Golden Dreams is now.
    • They’re adding 12 acres to the park to make a new area, and they’re calling it “Cars Land”, themed to match the Pixar movie, can you believe it. It’s strangely two words, and “cars” is plural. It sounds retarded. At least it doesn’t have a trademark symbol in the middle. It’ll have a Cars ride that sounds alright. And: it will have the old Flying Saucer ride! Except with hubcaps instead of saucers, but it’s the same thing. Dad, are you hearing this? Prepare to have your fond memories realified.
    • And some other stuff. They’re probably replacing Muppet Vision with Philharmagic, which sucks a big lot. And they’re getting rid of the Maliboomer, which sucks a little.

Kris Is Linking for the Weekend

This edition of Kris Always Links on Wednesdays is brought to you by HTTP. Let’s get right to it:

And this wouldn’t be a link blog without original content, so here’s a joke or something:

Q: What do you call a frog that’s wider than it is long?
A: A toad!

Not true. And in case you didn’t get it, that was a penis joke. Until next week, I am lying in your bed whenever you are not in the room!

Kris Links Weakly for the week of Oct. -12 A.M.

In this edition of Kris’ Weakest Links, you are:

  • TMX Ernie, German edition! – Remember that Tickle Me eXtreme Ernie from before that I linked to before? This is so much better because it is German. Phil – you should get one to help you work on your accents! Also available: Spanish Ernie, and German Ernie and English Elmo… AT THE SAME TIME! Which isn’t actually all that funny.
  • These doods builded a “real” X-Wing that they said flies. Thing is, the reason they said it flies is because, well, sure, it should fly. Here’s what happened when they tried it.
  • Jason Voorhees on the Arsenio Hall Show – This video represents a step towards realizing one of kristuphil’s chief corporate goals: having an unkillable-killing-machine-monster-person roaming the planet, except that it doesn’t at all. But still.
  • People keep coming here searching for “preposition rap” and I’m starting to feel bad for them because this blog sucks, so here’re some links that have to do with preposition rap:

So… that’s this week. Looks like next week we’ll have some links and probably some comments that make you realize I’m maybe not as clever as you once thought I was. OK, how about a… poem, why not?

I put links up here
and pretend there’s a schedule.
This is a haiku.

Well, maybe. Now I think I’m going to go see Resident Evil: Extinction, then I’ll tell Ste it wasn’t all that good, and then he’ll see it anyway and say it was fine. But we’ll stay friends.

Kris’ Weakly Links!

That should be read like, “I link weakly”, but on a weekly basis (instead of all willy-nilly). I also pee freely. Here are links for it:

  • Robot “plays” Theremin!
  • You can resize pictures weird! – You know, if you want. It’s pretty slow.
  • Girl In the Tower (Christine/Raoul) – So, there’s this thing people do. It’s like they make music videos for songs using clips from movies, but mostly it’s like they don’t, because they all suck. It’s very possible that there exists some good one out there in Terwebland, but probably not, because it’s a shitty idea. It seems like homework the “cool” teachers would make you do. This one is video from 2004’s The Phantom of the Opera set to the popular song “The Girl in the Tower” from King’s Quest VI. This video is obviously a labor of love (no… pun intended?)—you can tell because it’s widescreen video that the creator didn’t take the time to frame properly so it’s stretched out and looks retarded. It’s pretty common that I tell you not to watch things that I send you, but this thyme I’m really serious. There’s no reason to watch this. If you just want to hear the song again, it’s at the bottom of this page, so you can hear it without the video. I just thought you’d want to know this video existed. I’m not sure why.

That’s it? That wasn’t even entertaining. I need to make more comics, cuz those were really great.

OK, here’s a bonus joke I haven’t come up with yet:

Q: How many girls in the tower does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but I’ll just do it. OK, I’ve got the bulb, and the socket’s… up there. It’s too far. Now what? Girl in the tower? I’m reaching out. Please tell me what to do.

Eh. How about “Castles don’t bury survivors.” Err… “Lightbulbs? In Berkeley?”

Until next week… I’ll be seeing it!

Links hoedown