Robot + Rape = Rape

The new WALL-E comic has surprise buttsecks:
Surprise buttsecks in WALL-E

He is obviously drunk. But that is no excuse.

Announcing ‘The Meaning of POG!’

November 20, 2008

The Internet — kristuphil, inc., the the west coast’s sixth-largest independent creator of uninteresting websites, is proud to announce the launch of The Meaning of POG, the latest in a series of soon-to-be-neglected web ventures providing unhelpful information to a world that didn’t ask for it.

The website, which explores the content and subtext of the 1990s promotional videos Searching for POG and The Legend of POG, fills a void kristuphil’s leader-in-charge saw on the Internet. Explaining his vision for the site, Renophaston said, “Some fan sites start with the fans and build, but the POG franchise has proved itself uniquely resistant to fandom. It’s been over a decade since the last video was released, and I have yet to find it mentioned on the Internet aside from the occasional “for sale” notice. So I decided to start with the site, and we’ll work on developing interest as a secondary concern somewhere down the line.”

Renophaston, creator of <em>The Meaning of POG</em>

Renophaston, creator of The Meaning of POG

The POG franchise, which released its most recent installment over 13 years ago, seems to have slipped under most peoples’ radars. Renophaston explains why he thinks this is the right time to start a community based on the unpopular series. “I think we have to face the fact that POG, the game, is probably not coming back. I personally see that as a good thing, since I think it served mostly as a distraction from the real thrust of the series. But more to the point, we cannot just wait and expect POGs to return to the forefront of public consciousness, carrying Herbie and friends along on its coattails. POG’s fifteen minutes may be over, but the Legend is forever ‘to be continued…'”

Long terms goals of the site include getting the videos released on DVD, organizing a cast reunion/reenactment/sleepover, and the release of the never-produced third entry in the series. But in the meantime, Renophaston is satisfied with the basics. “Right now we’ve just got the fundamentals like a synopsis for each video and an initial FAQ, but once this thing takes off, I’ll probably forget about it.”

The Meaning of POG can be found at kristuphil, inc. is an pwned subsidiary of your mom and can be reached at their parent website, or at their employee blog, kristuphil is telling you.

One of these is the best link of the week!

Solve the following for a clue:


I thought (for some reason) that I would have the strength to draw something retarded to put here since the last time I posted crappy links, but that didn’t happen.

Here are some links. (Stay until after the credits to see the Official™ Renophaston verdict on XL Band-Aid™ brand band-aids!)

  • Stairway To Heaven… as performed by The Beatles! – Oh wait—did I say The Beatles? I meant The Beatnix.
  • Blender-shaped baby-bath – Sometimes I wish there was more stuff for new parents to needlessly spend money on, and then I remember that I hate everything.
  • WGA vs. AMPTP – I present this long-form, stereotype-based joke to you in hopes that you will find its three good lines redeeming somehow. Sadly, the best line is at the very end!

Last week, I promised I’d tell you about my experience with XL Band-Aid™ brand band-aids, so here goes:

They were fine.

Hey Ste, I figured maybe when you get home for the holidays, we should do something. Like, this one idea I had was we could make a porno version of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! and call it Tim & Eric Awesome Choad Blow Job! Then we could put it on YouTube and make fun of the comments it gets. Or if that sounds too gay, I could watch you and Fil play Mario Dance Dance Revolution. Oh yeah: I actually played Gears of War co-op with Mikey when he was here and he was a lot better than me. His patience with me bordered on condescension. I cannot play shooters with those controls. If I had to score my performance, I would give it a bleed out of ass.

Answer: Link #2.

Link this, week!

Quickly this week, because those guys are after me and they’re almost through the door!

Nevermind, the guys left. I was probably dreaming it anyway.

I’d write more, but Parvo cut my knife open with a hand and I bled out completely. Later, I’ll post about my experiences with XL Band-Aid™ brand band-aids!

Kris has links in his week

This week we have links from your mom’s butt:

Well, that’s it for this week. Thanks for visiting!

Kris’s Wink Leaks

This week my links are here:

These are some pretty good links, I think. I’m happy with them.

Linking Is for the Week

I’m lazy. Here’s some links:

Also, here; I made this for you:

A limerick about a haiku
(except it’s not actually lewd)
  over three lines.
To a season you ought to allude.

Well. That was boring.

Every Link Has Its Week

We are currently Google’s number one search result for anus burn from food. Someone searched for that one.  And got us.

Also, the date for “Plastic Industry Stoppage to Show Earth Day” has been set, and it was October 20th, 2007. It went pretty poorly and I don’t think we’ll be doing it again.

This Week in Kris: LINKS!

And just because this stuff continues to amuse me: someone got here by searching for “spirits of lemon plumbing“. We are currently Google search result #1 for that query, but I don’t think we have any information about it.

Kris Links to

Welcome to a special “one-link” edition of Kris’s Weekly Links Show!

  • Disney is spending a billion dollars on Californialand – Here’s a poor explanation of some highlights:
    • They’re redoing the entrance to make it like Los Angeles in the 1920s (when Walt got there). Also to make it not just a shitty slab of concrete.
    • They’re redoing Paradise Pier to make it different somehow. Like old or something? Also more Disney/Pixar, less California.
    • They’re going to replace some stairs with a show where they shine lights on water (“and mist”).
    • Mulholland Madness is turning into Goofy’s Flying Academy, and I have no idea what that means.
    • A new $100 million Little Mermaid ride, since that film took place in California, and has numerous ties to the area. Still… new Little Mermaid ride… I would ride it. (She told me to say that for her.) I think it’s gonna be where Golden Dreams is now.
    • They’re adding 12 acres to the park to make a new area, and they’re calling it “Cars Land”, themed to match the Pixar movie, can you believe it. It’s strangely two words, and “cars” is plural. It sounds retarded. At least it doesn’t have a trademark symbol in the middle. It’ll have a Cars ride that sounds alright. And: it will have the old Flying Saucer ride! Except with hubcaps instead of saucers, but it’s the same thing. Dad, are you hearing this? Prepare to have your fond memories realified.
    • And some other stuff. They’re probably replacing Muppet Vision with Philharmagic, which sucks a big lot. And they’re getting rid of the Maliboomer, which sucks a little.

Kris Is Linking for the Weekend

This edition of Kris Always Links on Wednesdays is brought to you by HTTP. Let’s get right to it:

And this wouldn’t be a link blog without original content, so here’s a joke or something:

Q: What do you call a frog that’s wider than it is long?
A: A toad!

Not true. And in case you didn’t get it, that was a penis joke. Until next week, I am lying in your bed whenever you are not in the room!

Kris Links Weakly for the week of Oct. -12 A.M.

In this edition of Kris’ Weakest Links, you are:

  • TMX Ernie, German edition! – Remember that Tickle Me eXtreme Ernie from before that I linked to before? This is so much better because it is German. Phil – you should get one to help you work on your accents! Also available: Spanish Ernie, and German Ernie and English Elmo… AT THE SAME TIME! Which isn’t actually all that funny.
  • These doods builded a “real” X-Wing that they said flies. Thing is, the reason they said it flies is because, well, sure, it should fly. Here’s what happened when they tried it.
  • Jason Voorhees on the Arsenio Hall Show – This video represents a step towards realizing one of kristuphil’s chief corporate goals: having an unkillable-killing-machine-monster-person roaming the planet, except that it doesn’t at all. But still.
  • People keep coming here searching for “preposition rap” and I’m starting to feel bad for them because this blog sucks, so here’re some links that have to do with preposition rap:

So… that’s this week. Looks like next week we’ll have some links and probably some comments that make you realize I’m maybe not as clever as you once thought I was. OK, how about a… poem, why not?

I put links up here
and pretend there’s a schedule.
This is a haiku.

Well, maybe. Now I think I’m going to go see Resident Evil: Extinction, then I’ll tell Ste it wasn’t all that good, and then he’ll see it anyway and say it was fine. But we’ll stay friends.