Robot + Rape = Rape

The new WALL-E comic has surprise buttsecks:

He is obviously drunk. But that is no excuse.

Announcing ‘The Meaning of POG!’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
November 20, 2008
ANNOUNCING THE LAUNCH OF ‘THE MEANING OF POG’

The Internet — kristuphil, inc., the the west coast’s sixth-largest independent creator of uninteresting websites, is proud to announce the launch of The Meaning of POG, the latest in a series of soon-to-be-neglected web ventures providing unhelpful information to a world that didn’t ask for it.

The website, which explores the content and subtext of the 1990s promotional videos Searching for POG and The Legend of POG, fills a void kristuphil’s leader-in-charge saw on the Internet. Explaining his vision for the site, Renophaston said, “Some fan sites start with the fans and build, but the POG franchise has proved itself uniquely resistant to fandom. It’s been over a decade since the last video was released, and I have yet to find it mentioned on the Internet aside from the occasional “for sale” notice. So I decided to start with the site, and we’ll work on developing interest as a secondary concern somewhere down the line.”

Renophaston, creator of The Meaning of POG

The POG franchise, which released its most recent installment over 13 years ago, seems to have slipped under most peoples’ radars. Renophaston explains why he thinks this is the right time to start a community based on the unpopular series. “I think we have to face the fact that POG, the game, is probably not coming back. I personally see that as a good thing, since I think it served mostly as a distraction from the real thrust of the series. But more to the point, we cannot just wait and expect POGs to return to the forefront of public consciousness, carrying Herbie and friends along on its coattails. POG’s fifteen minutes may be over, but the Legend is forever ‘to be continued…'”

Long terms goals of the site include getting the videos released on DVD, organizing a cast reunion/reenactment/sleepover, and the release of the never-produced third entry in the series. But in the meantime, Renophaston is satisfied with the basics. “Right now we’ve just got the fundamentals like a synopsis for each video and an initial FAQ, but once this thing takes off, I’ll probably forget about it.”

The Meaning of POG can be found at themeaningofpog.wordpress.com. kristuphil, inc. is an pwned subsidiary of your mom and can be reached at their parent website, kristuphil.com or at their employee blog, kristuphil is telling you.

One of these is the best link of the week!

Solve the following for a clue:

I thought (for some reason) that I would have the strength to draw something retarded to put here since the last time I posted crappy links, but that didn’t happen.

Here are some links. (Stay until after the credits to see the Official™ Renophaston verdict on XL Band-Aid™ brand band-aids!)

• Stairway To Heaven… as performed by The Beatles! – Oh wait—did I say The Beatles? I meant The Beatnix.
• Blender-shaped baby-bath – Sometimes I wish there was more stuff for new parents to needlessly spend money on, and then I remember that I hate everything.
• WGA vs. AMPTP – I present this long-form, stereotype-based joke to you in hopes that you will find its three good lines redeeming somehow. Sadly, the best line is at the very end!

Last week, I promised I’d tell you about my experience with XL Band-Aid™ brand band-aids, so here goes:

They were fine.

Hey Ste, I figured maybe when you get home for the holidays, we should do something. Like, this one idea I had was we could make a porno version of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! and call it Tim & Eric Awesome Choad Blow Job! Then we could put it on YouTube and make fun of the comments it gets. Or if that sounds too gay, I could watch you and Fil play Mario Dance Dance Revolution. Oh yeah: I actually played Gears of War co-op with Mikey when he was here and he was a lot better than me. His patience with me bordered on condescension. I cannot play shooters with those controls. If I had to score my performance, I would give it a bleed out of ass.

_{Answer: Link #2.}

Link this, week!

Quickly this week, because those guys are after me and they’re almost through the door!

• Speed Racer trailer – Beware: it might cause you to die of awesome poisoning. Very unlikely, but… well, not exactly possible, but maybe.
• Wainy Days Episode 15 – “Tough Guy” – This is the last episode until later.
• New Twelve-Inch (Grumpy Grandpa) Jack Bauer – This is the best action figure I have ever seen.

Nevermind, the guys left. I was probably dreaming it anyway.

I’d write more, but Parvo cut my knife open with a hand and I bled out completely. Later, I’ll post about my experiences with XL Band-Aid™ brand band-aids!

Kris has links in his week

This week we have links from your mom’s butt:

• Brick Archway – Finally an xkcd that everyone can enjoy! (Violence is the universal language!)
• Wainy Days Episode 13: “Wainy Nights” – Living the white life!
• Motion Induced Blindness – It’s funner than it sounds! But not by a whole lot.
• Wainy Days Episode 14 “The Pact” – This week had two Mondays, which made it extra Wainy.
• Jimmy Wales Grows Them Good and Organic – Japanese mistranslation gets with the times!
• Faith healing sign at Disneyland – Don’t get scared! It’s a joke!

Well, that’s it for this week. Thanks for visiting!

Kris’s Wink Leaks

This week my links are here:

• Not The Daily Show, With Some Writer – While we’re on the subject, due to the WGA strike, we expect a large influx of new readers fleeing the deluge of reruns on TV, and we’ll try to keep up with demand by posting everything we thing of.
• Gameplay footage from the new Ghostbusters game! – I look forward to watching you play this!
• The Futurama Theme Song! – Pretty much. Kind of. And a pretty good video.
• Wainy Days Episode 12: “Happy Endings” – Hottest scrabble today. I already can’t remember why I typed that.

These are some pretty good links, I think. I’m happy with them.

Linking Is for the Week

I’m lazy. Here’s some links:

• Promachoteuthis sulcus – It’s a horrible monster!
• Question Cat and also this one the Ste will get – Cat macros are the new cat macros.
• Lunch Conversations #4223 – A depressing and hilarious argument for the practical adoption of a Robot Overlord-based government from the writer of DC’s Blue Beetle. I’m convinced! But… seriously.
• Wainy Days Episode 11 – “Zandy” – Watch for falling laughs!

Also, here; I made this for you:

A limerick about a haiku
(except it’s not actually lewd)
  Five-seven-five
  over three lines.
To a season you ought to allude.

Well. That was boring.

Every Link Has Its Week

• Gabe & Max’s Internet Thing – I’m pretty sure this is entertaining. Like 70% sure.
• NadShot.com – Just in time for Halloween: here are some comic book characters “pulling a wolfman”!
• Two Hulks Halloween House – Just in time for Halloween: two Hulks Halloween House. ‘Nuff said!
• Disney Concept Art – Just in time for Halloween: the emotion we’re going for is “ride”.

We are currently Google’s number one search result for anus burn from food. Someone searched for that one.  And got us.

Also, the date for “Plastic Industry Stoppage to Show Earth Day” has been set, and it was October 20th, 2007. It went pretty poorly and I don’t think we’ll be doing it again.

This Week in Kris: LINKS!

• Van Halen plays Jump terribly – but they make it through the whole thing! This is fantastic. Nothing else this week is anywhere close to this good.
• LEGO’d video game scenes – They’re really well done, but they’re not that entertaining to stare at.
• www.isitchristmas.com
• Goatse on a credit card – NSFW? Maybe. Holiday appropriate? Definitely. Kind of.

And just because this stuff continues to amuse me: someone got here by searching for “spirits of lemon plumbing“. We are currently Google search result #1 for that query, but I don’t think we have any information about it.

Kris Links to MiceAge.com

Welcome to a special “one-link” edition of Kris’s Weekly Links Show!

• Disney is spending a billion dollars on Californialand – Here’s a poor explanation of some highlights:
  • They’re redoing the entrance to make it like Los Angeles in the 1920s (when Walt got there). Also to make it not just a shitty slab of concrete.
  • They’re redoing Paradise Pier to make it different somehow. Like old or something? Also more Disney/Pixar, less California.
  • They’re going to replace some stairs with a show where they shine lights on water (“and mist”).
  • Mulholland Madness is turning into Goofy’s Flying Academy, and I have no idea what that means.
  • A new $100 million Little Mermaid ride, since that film took place in California, and has numerous ties to the area. Still… new Little Mermaid ride… I would ride it. (She told me to say that for her.) I think it’s gonna be where Golden Dreams is now.
  • They’re adding 12 acres to the park to make a new area, and they’re calling it “Cars Land”, themed to match the Pixar movie, can you believe it. It’s strangely two words, and “cars” is plural. It sounds retarded. At least it doesn’t have a trademark symbol in the middle. It’ll have a Cars ride that sounds alright. And: it will have the old Flying Saucer ride! Except with hubcaps instead of saucers, but it’s the same thing. Dad, are you hearing this? Prepare to have your fond memories realified.
  • And some other stuff. They’re probably replacing Muppet Vision with Philharmagic, which sucks a big lot. And they’re getting rid of the Maliboomer, which sucks a little.

Kris Is Linking for the Weekend

This edition of Kris Always Links on Wednesdays is brought to you by HTTP. Let’s get right to it:

• Carmen Sandiego is found! In a context-free image!
• Here’s a laughing German midget. – It’s like KMX Ernie, except… no, it’s exactly the same.
• The Club reduces your risk of auto theft by 400%! – Anything that false must be true!
  
• Here’s a Laugh-Out-Loud Cats that Stuart will get, at least.
• A Jerkcity strip <- that’s it to the right!

And this wouldn’t be a link blog without original content, so here’s a joke or something:

Q: What do you call a frog that’s wider than it is long?
A: A toad!

Not true. And in case you didn’t get it, that was a penis joke. Until next week, I am lying in your bed whenever you are not in the room!

Kris Links Weakly for the week of Oct. -12 A.M.

In this edition of Kris’ Weakest Links, you are:

• TMX Ernie, German edition! – Remember that Tickle Me eXtreme Ernie from before that I linked to before? This is so much better because it is German. Phil – you should get one to help you work on your accents! Also available: Spanish Ernie, and German Ernie and English Elmo… AT THE SAME TIME! Which isn’t actually all that funny.
• These doods builded a “real” X-Wing that they said flies. Thing is, the reason they said it flies is because, well, sure, it should fly. Here’s what happened when they tried it.
• Jason Voorhees on the Arsenio Hall Show – This video represents a step towards realizing one of kristuphil’s chief corporate goals: having an unkillable-killing-machine-monster-person roaming the planet, except that it doesn’t at all. But still.
• People keep coming here searching for “preposition rap” and I’m starting to feel bad for them because this blog sucks, so here’re some links that have to do with preposition rap:
  • These kids seem to have made a rap about prepositions.
  • That’s really all I’ve got, but I bet that’s what people are looking for when they come here. Actually, I’ve also got this preposition song from School House Rock, but it gets pretty boring pretty fast, and there’s no rap.

So… that’s this week. Looks like next week we’ll have some links and probably some comments that make you realize I’m maybe not as clever as you once thought I was. OK, how about a… poem, why not?

I put links up here
and pretend there’s a schedule.
This is a haiku.

Well, maybe. Now I think I’m going to go see Resident Evil: Extinction, then I’ll tell Ste it wasn’t all that good, and then he’ll see it anyway and say it was fine. But we’ll stay friends.