I’m gonna fill you in on my Comic-Con experience, but first let me get this out of the way:
AAARRRGGGG AIRLINES!!!
Oh man! First of all, my plane blew up so so I had to wait in the lobby for like 20 minutes, and then they put me on a flight that was too long and I was bored the whole way to San Diego. And the food wasn’t even that good!
Other than that, I had a pretty great time! I got there late Wednesday, so I checked into my hotel room and got really drunk and sad and eventually fell asleep somewhere around 3:00 in the morning. The next day I woke up around 4:00 PM, which pissed me off because that means I missed like the whole day! So I quickly got dressed and ran downstairs and got a taxi to the convention center, swearing the whole way there. It was literally like a swearing convention, I’m serious. (No pun intended!) When I got there, I showed them my badge, and they told me my pass wasn’t good for Wednesday, and I’m like “This is Thursday!” and they beat the shit out of me. Long story short, it was totally Wednesday, and I made a big mistake. Kind of regret some of the things I said to the lady at the airport now lol! I was early, so I went and saw some local landmarks like the Fortaleza Ozama and the Faro a Colón. History is fun, kids!
I didn’t want to repeat that morning’s panic, so I went to bed early and woke up at like 4:00 in the morning, and there wasn’t even really anything I wanted to see on the first day. I watched TV for like 6 hours and then got dressed up. This year I went as Twilight from Twilight. I haven’t read any of the movies, but I like vampires, so… lol.. He’s pretty much Count Dracula except in jeans and a T-shirt, so I just pooped in the wax teeth I brought and I was ready to go! So here are some notes from my journal (poor man’s twitter haha!):
Highlights from Day 1:
Seeing a lot of Black Lantern Michael Jacksons. Seriously, this is gonna be the Joker of 2009.
Scott Aukerman is writing a Director Bones comic! I am very curious to see how this turns out.
Cell phones are officially the Next Best Thing™ now—I haven’t seen this many since I went to the Verizon store!
DC Comics will continue to publishSuperman comics, kind of. Check out Blackest Night!
My teeth are getting really soft in the heat.
I thought I saw Grant Morrison, but it was just Brian K. Vaughan.
Unfortunately, DC says digital comics still aren’t possible yet, despite their popularity.
At the Marvel panel, Joe Quesada made a “Doctor in the house” joke about Doctor Voodoo, and it was hilarious. I just shit my pants thinking about it.
The corporate presence is really getting out of hand this year. I couldn’t get into the Burn Notice panel because of the huge crowd of people trying to get a seat at the Avatar panel. It’s not called “Movie-Con”, assholes! Get a life!
A candid shot of Greg Land and me fighting over a troll doll. I didn't recognize him at first!
Highlights from Day 2:
Wow, judging by all the people dressed as her, Whore Supergirl sure is popular! When are DC gonna realize they should give her her own comic? Oh wait, they do—it’s called Marvel Divas lol!
I managed to find Gail Simone’s run on the Family Matters series (#266-279) for $15! I haven’t read these since I was a kid. Still missing the TGIFunnybooks X-mas Special (the one with Urkel Bot fighting Carl-dressed-as-Santa on the cover), though. I’ll put up some scans if I remember.
Jesus shit! Alan Moore’s writing Captain Marvel!?! At first I’m like, Why are they announcing this at a Marvel panel? Oops—wrong Captain Marvel! haha!
I thought I saw Grant Morrison, but it was just Bendis.
Nobody seems to have recognized me yet, despite the big turnout for the Twilight panel. There is a character named Twilight, right?
Mark Millar’s making a movie out of his comic Kick-Ass. I can’t believe they’re letting him anywhere near a camera after what he did to The Spirit!
Me and Ernie Hudson (right), who was nice enough to let me snap a photo even though he didn't attend this year.
Highlights from Day 3:
If I never see another Zombie Skrull Leia, it’ll be too many, I’m serious! It’s like it’s 2008 all over again! I’m like, didn’t we do this already? I thought 2008 was last year! Really, you guys? Last year called, it wants its memes back! No. Just… no.
DC got the rights to T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents, which is weird because didn’t WildStorm just put out a bunch of minis about them a few years ago? Regardless, I’m down for more. Thunder Agents, Ho!
I thought I saw Grant Morrison, but it was just Ilia from Star Trek, which is funny because they’re both bald!
Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro are remaking Norbit… as two movies?!? Make it a trilogy and maybe we’ll talk lol!
OK, DC—you’ve made your point! A married Green Arrow and Black Canary don’t work. We get it!
Wait, they made a movie of Watchmen? Are you serious? That’s insane. Way too many people mentioned this for it to be a joke.
Well, I’m sick of doing this, so that’s it for this year! Never stop truckin’!
I am against redefining marriage to include tax fraud and arson.
If people could use “marriage” as an excuse to blow up buildings, then what’s keeping you from blowing your dad? Not the government. Not “self-restraint”. Certainly not THE JEWS. But that’s just the beginning—the next thing you know, your college degree is worthless and the price of gas changes. Wake up, DUMerica. It’s time for action—just look at the stock market!
As the late hunger enthusiast Mohandas Gandhi said, “Аз не съм свободен, освен ако другите са роби.” (“I am not free, but that others are bound.”) A people is only as free as it is oppressed. If everybody has rights, what’s so big about YOURS?
Will you join me in opposing things, or are you a fag?
EDIT: Wow! I sure voted a lot of times! But it’s still neck and tie, so it’s anybody’s draw! And keep this on for size while you’re voting: California has a history of supporting gay rights, and look where that got them—as of the last election, gays can’t even get MARRIED in California!
Remember when I posted that picture and I asked for your help to rationalize away something I feared and didn’t understand? Well, you did it! No, strike that—WE did it! (Seeing as I was responsible for 40% of the votes.) Here are the results of the voting:
Strange Reports: 1 vote
A Ghost: 1 vote
Other: 3 VOTES!
It’s unanimouse with 60% of the popular vote! The so-called “spirit” was actually just something else! I am relieved, because I was worried that it might have been what it was.
UPDATE!
Stop the presses! With your hand if you have to! It was a TIE! Observe the results as they were originally reported by the media:
Misleading Original Results
An obvious victor, right? “Other” is the tallest contestant by far. But… who IS this “Other”? This reporter went deep undercover to uncover the truth: “Other” is none other than a conglomerate of three other candidates (no pun intended!) conspiring together to destroy democracy! Feast on your eyes—it’s the true face of Other:
ur mom
it’s just a little gas.
Stinky smell escaping when you took the sheets off the bed, perhaps.
Now take your gander to this new, updated, honest chart:
Meaningless True Results
It’s a tie! Everybody loses! Reality is ambiguous (in my room at least), and we are probably doomed. Another win for democracy!
Calling all ghost-hunters, UFO-perts, and necrophiliacs, and I’m serious about this. Going through some boxes, I found this photo I made took a few years ago (January 27, 2001). Flickr has the full-size version. (Sorry about the watermark, but I don’t want people taking credit in case it’s real.)
Reel ghost proof? Choose your own adventure.
Do you see that? On the left. Does it look like a spirit/ghost to you? I can tell it’s not just some trick, because it doesn’t cast light on the walls. I don’t know of anything natural that can do that. Also, when I open the picture up in Photoshop, the spirit is on different layer than the background! How did that happen?!? My camera (Canon Powershot S10) is too old to support layers. Was there some kind of top-secret military test going on on 1/27/2001? God I hope so. And on the left, look:
Spirit portal?
WTF, is that a spirit portal or something? This is freaking me out. And check out this closeup:
Spirit face comparison.
That’s a face, right? It kind of… looks like me, doesn’t it? Oh jeez…
Anyway, I made a decision a few years back to not believe in ghosts, so I’d really appreciate it if someone could explain this. Hopefully before Halloween. All the experts I’ve contacted refuse to talk to me about it. Is it a weather balloon? I don’t even know!
Sincerely,
Sleepless in Seattle
P.S. – Please vote below, even if you don’t know the answer. A bigger sample size increases accuracy. Hint: you can vote more than once!
UPDATE: The results are in! But don’t let that stop you from voting! Remember—It’s never too late to vote!
I don’t celebrate Christmas, and I hate presents, but if I found God at a garage sale or something and rubbed it and the Christmas genie came out, this is what I’d ask for:
Superman
Courage
A (direct-to-DVD?) new season of Firefly
An HDTV set that shows standard-def stuff as well as our current (SD) TV does
A high-quality video recording of the 2003-08-08 Björk show I attended in SF
Dramatically reduced maximum occupancy at Disneyland
Whirled Penis
Tickets to the San Jose show of the Spice Girls reunion tour, and I guess also a time machine so that I didn’t miss it already. Or wait, even better: I want the Spice Girls to call me tomorrow and go, “Hey, we read what you wrote about us on your Krismas blog, and we thought it was effing brilliant and we’d all like to meet you so we got you tickets to each of the New York shows in New York and we rented a whole floor of whatever the best hotel in NY is and we’ll all just hang out there (but we’ll leave you alone if you want) and we can get pizza or whatever!” And I’d be like, “OK, but I don’t know if I can get a ride.” And they’re like, “Fuck that, mate, we bought you a couple Air Force Ones! Zig-a-zig-ah.” The only bad thing about this would be that I don’t have every one of either of the Melanies’ albums, so that would be awkward, especially if I was to get them to autograph them. Still, I’m keeping this on my list. I can deal with a little bit of awkward. And it’s not like I don’t want them, it’s just I don’t have them yet. Yet. Oh man, you know what else I would want? I would want the opportunity to completely rewrite Spice World and have them remake it using my script. I think I could make a pretty fantastic movie about the Spice Girls. As long as the suits stay out of my goddamn way! Man, right now I’m tempted to write it anyway. In fact, I think this will be that project that I’ll always be working on but I’ll never finish, and it’ll become a running joke amongst the people who know me. All four of them. “Did you finish Spice Whirled yet?” “Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, it’s almost done!” (For the record, I would still settle for just the San Jose tickets and a time machine.)
Captain E/O on DVD, but somehow still in 3-D without using that red/blue bullshit. Laserdisc would also be acceptable, so long as it still has the original laser and fog effects. (This one might be tough.)
Invisibility, and the power to control it! Nothing would ruin my Krismas like making me disappear without a way to change me back. That would be a singular Krismas.
You know, since the Spice Girls thing, I can’t stop thinking about how it would still be cool to have even just the time machine by itself. So, if you can’t get the tix, at least get the time machine. But this is, like, a runner-up gift. Half-credit.
A lightsaber (of course)
Hmm. This ended up a lot more honest than I was expecting it to when I started.
So anyway, if you appreciate the entertainment I provide here on this blog (for free!), please consider purchasing all of these items for me. Cash donations over $1000 will also be (grudgingly) accepted. Email me your snail-mail address and I’ll fax you a location where you can make the drop. Then, in the comments, tell me what you want me to get for Krismas!
Two of this spider was in our pool I guess? Ants are eating it. Mom said its “ball” used to be bigger. I am inclined to believe her.
Viewing larger images will increase the apparent size. The dime is there for scale, but if you can come up with more entertaining reasons for its presence, you’re welcome to them.
It has come to my attention that I may have misunderstood the topic for today’s Blog Action Day in my earlier post. We’re supposed to talk about the planet or something. Second time’s the charm.
Earth, which has fed us, nurtured us and acted as our sanctuary for hundreds of years, has turned on us. All of the sudden it has decided that we’re “not doing it right”, and it is punishing us. It is letting more and more of the harmful rays of the sun (our nemesis in the skies) through the atmosphere to burn us! It is keeping pollutants from naturally escaping to space, suffocating us with our own waste! It is taking away our oil and hiding it underground! But threats like global “warning” don’t work on us, not here in America! I think it’s time to take back the environment! I think it’s time to show Earth that it doesn’t own us. We are the human race. We are living, feeling beings with hopes and dreams, and we are as good and deserving of liberty as any other living thing, planets included (but not animals). It’s time to dig ourselves out of the earth that has kept our potential buried for so long.
I’m not saying it will be easy—Earth has some powerful weapons at its disposal, and it will not give up its position of power without a fight. But we have something it doesn’t have: plastic. Earth tried for thousands of years before humans arrived on the scene, but could never achieve the perfection and permanence that is the plastic bag. Everything in nature is transient; creatures are born and die, seasons come and go, species evolve only to become extinct—but plastic is forever. We are forever. In plastic, we have achieved something Earth never could: eternal life. We have to show Earth that we are not its property. We are its backbone. Without us, it is nothing. Without us, it will die. But with us, it can endure unto the ends of time.
That is why I humbly suggest my brilliant idea: Plastic Industry Stoppage to Show Earth Day (PISSED). As you can probably guess, on this day (date TBD), all plastic production will cease for 24 hours (all day), to show Earth what it’s like without us. While this one day will not have a great impact on an industry as large as Earth, it will be an obvious spike that will send a message, and that message is this: “Without us, you will fade; but together we can change the world.”
Also, “bloggers” sounds a bit like “loggers” (people who cut down and collect trees), and I think that is probably something we should change? But I don’t know; that might be impossible. We might have to reinstall the Internet or something.
Today is Blog Action Day, which is a day when all the bloggers in the world post about a certain topic to raise awareness. Today’s topic is “the environment”. I don’t really think B.A.D. will actually accomplish anything, but there’s not really any harm in it, so here we go:
Right now I am sitting at my desk (which is actually a table) surrounded by my stuff. I have action figures and my computer and my bottle of water and some books. The floor is carpeted, but it’s kind of crappy carpet. The walls are white, but there are a bunch of holes and chips in the paint, and scuff marks too. The person who lived here before me wasn’t all that careful with the walls, but neither am I, so whatever. Umm… outside it’s kind of overcast, which I like. As for thinking towards a better future, I’m pretty happy with the way things are, but I do usually have some dirty clothes on the floor that I should find a way to deal with. Maybe if I used my dresser for clothes instead of other stuff! But then I’d have to find a place to put that stuff, so I’m kind of in a rock and hard place here.
So yeah. That’s it I guess. I hope I’ve done my part, whatever it is.
Posted by renophaston 
Posted by renophaston 
Posted by renophaston 
I don’t celebrate Christmas, and I hate presents, but if I found God at a garage sale or something and rubbed it and the Christmas genie came out, this is what I’d ask for:
