Check Out My Pen(i)Spinning!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5u-TvVP2Ss

Fuck me, it’s die stacking!

This guy stacks dice like it’s the thing to do! I gotta learn to spin pens. Kill Bill was even better than I remembered it! Ste, did you remember to get All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder at the comics hop this week? The cover to the new (4th?!?) release of The Princess Bride is pretty awesome. This is the ultimate Lego rubberband gun.

Michael Showalter Showalter with Andy Samberg

They just put up a new Michael Showalter Showalter from 2 months ago: Michael Showalter Showalter with Andy Samberg. Watch it or diet! Black! I want them to turn black.

P.S. – I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes.

P.P.S. – I hope persons get the reference, because otherwise I’m looking pretty creepy here.

I feel angry because…

Mark Frauenfelder put his daughter’s class’ kids’ feelings pictures on the line, and it paid off. You should look at them. If you want to, you can finish the title sentence in the comments. Or type gibberish. But if you literally type “gibberish” it won’t be funny.

Bad Rap, Part the Third

Here’s the chorus from what I think is probably the lamest rap song I’ve ever heard, 213’s “Joystick“:

She said she wants to ride my joystick
She wants to ride, she wants to ride it

Umm… I’m not sure you’re doing it right. I think you’re trying to use “joystick” as a metaphor for penis, but you don’t ride a joystick, so it doesn’t work; you’re just saying “penis” using a different word. This song is full of video game references, and none of them work. Joysticks don’t “[go] the extra inch”. Joysticks aren’t “tasty in all kinds of ways”. And (this is key) you don’t fuck joysticks! Especially modern ones. I don’t think anything past the Atari 2600 really had controllers with any fuckable parts.^* And, I’ll be you a dollar she didn’t say “I want to ride your joystick.” She didn’t. I think you’re lying.

Secondly, and this is definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle “nigga”, but c’mon, 213. Three guys getting together to sing a song about dick and video games is just a little too lame for gangsta rap. I think you’ve lost some of your street cred here. Combined with the half-puns and broken metaphors, you’ve earned yourself a Bad Rap. Seriously you guys, you’re better than this.

I think this song is pretty much FUBAR, but if anyone wants to spit some rhymes about video games and/or sex, go for it in the comments.

^*This song came out before the Wii, so I’m not counting that.

Bad Rap, Part Dukes

If you’re just joining us, Bad Rap is a series of posts making fun of bad grammar and the like in rap lyrics. This time we’re going to take a look at Dr. Dre’s “Nigga Witta Gun”:

D-R-E
A motherfucker who’s known for carryin’ gats
And kick raps that make snaps.
Adapts to any environment that I’m located at

You can be at the office or the library, but you have to be in an environment or an area. Sorry, Dre; you can fuck as many police officers as you want—I still gotta give you a Bad Rap for pulling this linguistic boner. As always, please post alternate lyrics in the comments!

Incidentally, “kick raps that make snaps”? Hard. Core. Gangsta.

Hal Jordan and Star Sapphire: Getting Desperate

Hal comes off a bit judgmental in this one. I think a woman’s body is a right to choose.

Sorry about the lack of shadows. You’d be surprised (or maybe you wouldn’t) how often these guys cast shadows that look like penises. Or at least that remind me of penises.

If the last panel didn’t mean anything to you (but you want it to), The Absorbascon will help you out.

Remember when MTV used to actually have comedy?

Wainy Days Episode 9 – “Dorvid Days” – One more week until the season finale and we get to find out that thing about it that you’ve been wondering if!

Plus: Bonus Andy Milonakis video! – You’ll be glad you didn’t pay for this one!

A Day in the Death #3

Bad Rap, Part 1

This is the first in a series of posts of mine complaining about rap lyrics, or inadvertently exposing my ignorance regarding their meaning.

We’ll start with a quote from Snoop Dogg, back in his Snoop Doggy Dogg days. This one’s from “Doggy Dogg World”.

Ya know, some of these niggaz is so deceptive
Usin’ my styles like a contraceptive

Yeah, pretty sure you meant “aphrodisiac” there, buddy, and that’s why you get a Bad Rap! Feel free to post suggestions for alternate lyrics in the comments! I’ll start:

Ya know, some of these niggaz is so deceptive
Usin’ my styles to make a bitch receptive

Waterproof Band-Aid™ brand band-aids

So I tried this waterproof Band-Aid™ today because we have some, and I’ve got a paper cut on my finger. I was really impressed, actually. All day, it was pretty freakin’ waterproof, and it didn’t come off. But I figured I aught to let my skin “air out” tonight, and when I took off the band-aid, it pulled off some of my skin from an area completely unrelated to my paper cut, and now it’s bleeding. Everywhere. I’m typing strangely so that I don’t get blood on the keyboard from the injury I sustained from a Band-Aid™ brand band-aid. It was like when you accidentally get tape stuck on the wrong part of a piece of paper and you try to pull it off and it totally destroys the paper (and the tape) and you start crying and yelling and panicking. Except with more blood. Think if paper bled and screamed—that’s me; I’m doing that now.

Also—Stert, you gotta explain the Hellcat story from Marvel Comics Presents to me, because I got completely lost. I could explain the Spider-man one to you in exchange, since I totally figured that one out.

A Day in the Death #2

I decided that “A Day in the Death” is the title of my ongoing Marvel Zombies comic strip. I figure I’m not going to come up with anything better.